Simple Gifts for Parents

It is so easy to confuse discipline with consequences and punishment.

Literally though, when you discuss how you discipline your children you are describing how you provide rigorous training that provides your children with instruction in character, ethics, and reasoning.

You are talking about your role as teacher.

You are a teacher at almost all times, either intentionally or unintentionally. If your children watch you lose your patience while waiting in line, you have taught a lesson. If your children see you act kindly, generously, and attentively to the needs of someone else, you have taught a lesson, too.

Starting sentences with, "I believe..." or "In our family we believe...." is a valuable way to begin a lesson. Besides letting your children know what is important to you, you have a chance to reinforce the idea that membership in your family is special and that you may have beliefs that might not be important to anyone else.

Teach about your own family and culture. Where did your family come from? Who are the family heroes and villains? What stories did you hear from your elders when you were a child? what foods did you grow up on? What music did you listen to?

Teach by allowing your child to practice and sometimes make mistakes. It is difficult to learn when someone solves your problems for you. When you were given school homework, did the he or she give you all the answers?

Encourage experiments and trial and error. You might know what happens when your child blows his allowance on the first day of the week, but maybe he needs to find out on his own.

Celebrate real accomplishment, and tell your children what you admired about their efforts, decision making, thinking, working. Avoid praising children for their natural gifts. No one learns to be smart, or pretty, or athletic. People do learn to have moral courage, to write well, to act ethically, to throw a curve ball.